Always make urself happy dear...
Perfect Eyesight
Arthur is 81 years old.
He's played golf every day since his retirement 16 years ago.
One day he arrives home looking downcast.
"That's it" he tells his wife "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so bad. Once I've hit the ball I can't see where it went."
Arthur is 81 years old.
He's played golf every day since his retirement 16 years ago.
One day he arrives home looking downcast.
"That's it" he tells his wife "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so bad. Once I've hit the ball I can't see where it went."
His wife sympathizes.
As they sit down, she makes a suggestion: "Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try."
As they sit down, she makes a suggestion: "Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try."
"That's no good" sighs Arthur. "Your brother is 93 years old. He can't help."
"He may be a ninety three" says the wife "but his eyesight is perfect."
So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law.
He tees up, takes an almighty swing and squints down the fairway.
He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball?"
"Of course I did!" says the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight."
"Where did it go?" asks Arthur.
"Can't remember."
The Kiss
A tough looking biker was riding his Harley when he sees a girl about to jump off a bridge so he stops.
"What are you doing?" he asks.
"I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.
"I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity either..
He asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a Kiss?"
So, a kiss he gets, long, slow, passionate..
So, a kiss he gets, long, slow, passionate..
After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"
The Lawyer
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also.
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high"
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